What be wrong wit that damn chicken?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

by Douglas M Bower on Sunday, April 10, 2011 at 8:22am (with additional content from Dr. Buzzard)

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must

first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after

the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him

realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems

before adding 'NEW' problems.

 OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he

wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn

from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give

this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live

his life like the rest of the chickens.

 GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know

if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either

against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

 COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of

the chicken crossing the road ...

 ANDERSON COOPER (CNN):

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been

allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

DR BUZZARD:

If the Porkman's chicken cross over here then dinner free fa we

 NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his

eyes and the way he walks.

 PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a

standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped

to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

 DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the

chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

 ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

DR BUZZARD:

If the Porkman's chicken cross over here then dinner free fa we

 JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's

why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.

And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all

chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white

washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken

should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

 GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us

the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

 BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the

chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it

experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life

long dream of crossing the road.

 JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

DR BUZZARD:

If the Porkman's chicken cross over here then dinner free fa we

 ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

 BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will

lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is

much more stable and will never cra...#@&&;^(C% ......... reboot.

 ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the

chicken?

 ALGORE:

I invented the chicken!

 COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:

Where's my gun?

DR BUZZARD:

If the Porkman's chicken cross over here then dinner free fa we 

DR BUZZARD:

If the Porkman's chicken cross over here then dinner free fa we